


To be a leader, to be a man

by story_forger643



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Family Drama, Family Reunions, Hurt/Comfort, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Multi, The Author is also Trans Male, The Author is somewhat projecting, Trans Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach, Trans Male Character, but i figured that would add something, there is talk of surgeries and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23491582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/story_forger643/pseuds/story_forger643
Summary: I'm too tired to write a summary, this is basically the trans Gil AU that no one asked for and I wrote as a coping mechanism!
Relationships: Agatha Heterodyne/Tarvek Sturmvoraus/Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach, Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach & Klaus Wulfenbach, Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach & Zantabraxus of Skifander, Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach & Zeetha Daughter of Chump, Klaus Wulfenbach/Zantabraxus of Skifander
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	To be a leader, to be a man

**Author's Note:**

> TW for talking of biology, surgery, basically trans male medical procedures
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

When Queen Zantabraxus had twin girls, she was very afraid. She knew that the one born later would be killed, and she couldn’t bear to lose her child. So, she talked to Chump, turned a blind eye as he made off in the night with the brown haired girl, and she stayed with Zeetha.

Klaus couldn’t see his daughter, not for years. He was so busy, he could barely look at her.

And he wished he had.

* * *

Gil was four when they realized something was off. Gil preferred to play with the boys, not the girls, and hated, hated, hated being called by their full name, settling for the nickname of “Gil” instead.

When Gil was five, they decided that they must be a boy. There was no other explanation for the constant hatred of feeling like a girl, of always wanting to be a boy, of hoping to be a Spark so he could give himself the right body.

When Gil was six, he stole some scissors, went into the bathroom, and cut his hair. His head felt so light, and he felt so happy looking at his choppy, terribly cut short hair. He then came out of the bathroom claiming to be a boy.

He should have never given the other students more ammunition to use against him.

* * *

Gil was seven when Tarvek began to talk to him, and became the first person to really treat Gil like another boy. Gil was pathetically grateful for the kindness, and began to feel very strongly about Tarvek.

Gil was eight when he was caught in the Baron’s vault, looking at the records.

The Baron loomed over him, and began to speak. “Gil, what were you doing in there, young lady?”

Gil took a deep breath and swallowed. “Wrong.”

The Baron raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, ‘wrong’?”

“I-I’m not a lady. I’m not a girl.” Gil looked the Baron dead in the eye. “If you’re going to get me in trouble, at least call me what I am.”

“A boy?”

“Yes, sir.”

The Baron seemed to be taken aback by this. He leaned back in his seat, and looked at Gil. He seemed to be thinking, and was for a minute. Then, he got up and walked to where Gil stood, kneeled down, and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Then it appears that we have quite a bit to talk about, my son.”

Gil would have passed out if he wasn’t so relieved for the acceptance.

* * *

Gil was almost twelve when his cycle first started.

He ran to his father in pain, crying, begging for the pain to stop. But it wasn’t the cramps that hurt Gil; it was the feeling of being trapped, tortured, in an inescapable shell. His father held him close, hugging him, promising to try and fix it.

Gil suffered for almost a year until his father showed him how to administer an injection that would help him, give him the correct hormones for how he was feeling.

Gil had never been so grateful for anyone in his life.

* * *

In Paris, Gil ran into Tarvek. Almost every interaction was negative, until his shirt was ripped up in front of Tarvek, who saw his flat chest.

“So I take it you managed to fix your...issue?” Tarvek hated Gil, but was somewhat happy that his friend seemed to finally be somewhat comfortable.

“Yeah, I guess I sort of did.” Gil was surprised at the kindness. “It feels...really good.”

“Good. I never wanted you to suffer like that; I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone.”

* * *

Gil met Agatha, and everything seemed perfect. Then she was dead, and everything fell apart. But then she was alive, and there was hope.

It was quite the mess of a few months.

* * *

When Gil went to see his father in the hospital, Doctor Sun asked several questions about surgery and hormones and such.

“What is it to you?” Gil was somewhat upset.

“Well, we have several patients who seem to be...like you, in that regard, and I wanted to know if the medical treatments helped your mental state?”

Gil relaxed.  _ Of course _ it was for research; it was Sun. “Yes, I feel much more comfortable with myself now.”

“Excellent. I hope one day you can send me the procedures that you have so far; I feel as if I could improve them...but now is the time to care for your father.”

* * *

Zeetha was confused. So, so confused.

Gil seemed to know several Skifandrian training exercises. His father knew something about Skifander. She may have been sent here to kill Gil. The timeline lined up.

But she had been told she had a sister, not a brother.

So, when Gil was talking to her after all the others were asleep, she brought up the topic of his family.

“For the most part, it was just me. I never had a mother, or really any friends to speak of until I was a teenager. I only ever found out who my father was when I was eight. I’m just so glad he actually accepted me…” Gil trailed off, seeming to have said something he didn’t want to.

Too late. Zeetha had jumped on it. “Why wouldn’t he accept you? You’re his son, right?”

Gil took a deep breath. “Not always.”

Zeetha cocked her head and thought about it, and then realization hit her. “Oh, so you’re...ah...I feel like the best approximate translation would be ‘changed-gender’?”

Gil looked up. “Huh?”

“Back in Skifander, there’s a word for people who...don’t fit with the gender assigned to them at birth, so they transition to a new one, or they just don’t have a gender at all. The best translation I could think of is ‘changed-gender’, but if that doesn’t seem accurate…”

“I think a more accurate term would be transgender.” Gil paused. “You mean there’s others...like me? In Skifander?”

“Oh, yeah. Two of my childhood friends, an aunt and at least one cousin. Although a lot might have changed since I left home. You never knew anyone like this? Even in Paris?”

“No.” Gil’s shoulders slumped. “I never did. I mean, I always knew that logically, I couldn’t be the only one unless I really am one of my father’s experiments, but-”

Zeetha caught him off. “Wow. Because it seems like you knew a lot of girls in Paris. I mean, what’s Pinkie’s story?”

They then talked about plans and Zola and such, but Zeetha couldn’t get over the thought. Gil could be her long lost twin. If that was true, she had a brother. A  _ brother,  _ not a sister.

The thought did give Zeetha some comfort. If her brother was trans, there was a much higher chance of safety in taking him back to Skifander. When a Skifandrian transitions, they’re old self is essentially dead, with a funeral for the old name and everything, complete with a rebirth ceremony. Maybe enough for the High Priestess to not physically kill Gil…

...and maybe enough to be able to bring him home.

* * *

“Agatha...before we do this procedure…”

“Gil, if you say you’re scared, I will drug you and slap you to that chair. We need this to work.” Agatha was in full-blown Spark mode, with no stopping her.  _ Great. _ That was going to make this much harder.

“If the person being synced up to him had, say, more female biology, would it affect the process negatively in any way?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I was born female.”

Agatha paused, pulled her goggles off and stared at him. “What.”

“Uh, yeah, I was born with...I guess female anatomy, assigned female at birth, but when I was a kid, I realized that I was really a boy, so I cut my hair and came out and changed my name and my father worked on some medical procedures to-”

“Stop.” Agatha paused. “Medical procedures? What sort?”

Gil rubbed the back of his neck, trying to think. “A breast removal surgery and weekly injections of testosterone to keep levels at that of a biological male. My father is looking into other procedures to help…”

“Should be fine, then. As long as both bodies have a similar hormone balance and enough physical similarities that you won’t completely freak out, we don’t need to change the procedure. Now get ready.” Agatha turned back to the equipment.

“Oh. Alright.” Gil began to take his shirt off. “You don’t think it’s weird, or wrong, or-”

Agatha gave him an “are-you-serious” look. “I am friends with Zeetha, you realize.”

“Oh. Of course.”

* * *

Gil had a headache.

He didn’t know if it was the post-revivification rush or the lack of food, water and sleep of the last few days or the underwhelming sense he had felt when he was no longer connected to Tarvek and Agatha.

The euphoria he had felt when connected to Tarvek was amazing; he had never really understood what it was like to be so comfortable, so at home in one’s own body, and when he had felt that...blue lightning, he was going to help his father work on those procedures as soon as this was over.

His train of thought came to a screeching halt when Tarvek came up behind him and hugged him. “Um, what are you doing?”

“I never realized how...uncomfortable you were, back on Castle Wulfenbach.” Tarvek pulled away from the hug. “If I did, I would have stood up for you a lot more. I’m sorry.”

Gil smiled. “It’s alright, Sturmvorus, I’m glad you never felt that way.” Gil paused to think. “I don’t want anyone to have to suffer the way I do. Ever.”

“Well, we can work on that later. Right now, let’s just fix us a Castle.”

* * *

Gil felt worse than ever.

Part of it was grief, part of it was stress, and part of it was definitely having to share his head with someone else. It sucked, and made his dysphoria even worse than usual. It was almost as bad as when he was twelve, crying on his father’s shoulder, begging for him to figure out a way so that he could grow up  _ right.  _

Well, he couldn’t think about it now. There was an Empire to run.

* * *

Gil had no idea what had just happened.

Less than two weeks ago, he was chasing Agatha across Europa to Paris. Less than two months ago, he thought she was dead. Less than a week ago, he had just arrived in England. Then there was spending time with Tarvek and his childhood hero, running around and fighting some ancient crocodile monster.

Then there was the murder, the cult, getting his father out of his head, Lucrezia, freeing Agatha, Wooster-poor Wooster, one of his good friends gone just like that-then the dome almost exlpoding, being swallowed-at least he thinks that’s what happened-by a giant fish, making Agatha become a mermaid, not ending the world, and everything else.

It felt so good once Agatha went to talk to the high priest of the weird fish creatures. It meant he could finally sit down and relax for five minutes.

And he hated it.

His head was his own. Good. That was a good thing. It meant fewer headaches and he could talk to Agatha. Lucrezia is also gone. Extra good, that meant one fewer possible diplomatic disaster on their hands. They weren’t all dead yet, and apparently the odds of their survival had just increased. Extra good.

Bang was who-knows-where, not great, but she could take care of herself. Hopefully. Gil just hoped he wouldn’t have to arrest her one day. Zeetha was...becoming a jaeger. Alright, nothing too weird at this point, he could roll with that.

They were literally in a giant fish, because that is Gil’s life now. Of course.

No one was running the Empire right now, and both Storm Kings were uncontactable and off continent. That was very bad, and had insane disaster potential. Gil just hoped they could get back soon.

And the worst thing of all, Gil hadn’t packed any of his hormone supplements for the mission; it was supposed to be a quick grab-and-go of Tarvek, lasting four or five days at most. It had been almost two weeks, and two weeks since he’d last had an injection. And he was starting to feel the depression and pain sink back in.

Which was why he was now sitting in the closet, mid nervous breakdown, crying his eyes out alone.

“Knock knock! Anyone in there?” Gil turned to see Zeetha enter the closet and sit down beside him. “What’s wrong, Gil?”

“You mean other than the fact that we are literally inside a giant fish? Well, no one is running Europa right now, and with Martellus, Tarvek and I all gone and Paris closing its borders, the continent must be in chaos, and Dupree is missing and I don’t have any of my hormone injections with me so dysphoria isn’t exactly helping everything-” Gil stopped as Zeetha pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

“It’s going to be okay Gil. I’ve got you. We’ll figure this out. I promise.” Gil stiffened, and then began to relax into her shoulder, and allowed her to shelter him from the rest of the world.

* * *

“WE! ARE! GOING! TO! SKIFANDAR!”

“Yes, Zeetha, we are.” Gil smiled as he said this; it had been a few weeks since they’d all gotten back to Europa, formed a plan, journeyed to Africa, and were now finishing fixing up the mirror to get to Skifander. And he had never seen Zeetha so happy.

The entire week, she had been running around, teaching everyone basic phrases that they’d need to know if they were to not get killed if they got seperated. The phrases were pretty much “I come in peace” and “friend of Princess Zeetha”, along with a few basic greetings and requests for things like a translator, food and water.

According to Zeetha, that also meant there was a problem, as only Skifandrians were meant to know the language. So, they had also spent a reasonable amount of time coming up with excuses; Tarvek and Gil are Agatha’s lovers, Violetta is Tarvek’s cousin, Higgs was Zeetha’s lover, and Moloch was Agatha’s servant.

That was it. The entire infiltration team consisted of them; no need for too many people, and someone had to stay back and keep the continent in check, even if that someone was Tweedle, it was better than nothing.

“We’re going home! Like, actual home!” Zeetha was still hyper, as she had been all day. She then grabbed Gil’s shoulders and hugged him tightly, then pulled back and with this look that could only be described as pure emotion in her eyes, said “Gil, we are going  _ home. _ ”

“Yes, Zeetha, we are going to your home.” Gil turned back to the portal. “If you let me work, we’ll get there faster.”

“No, it’s...Ashtara above, Gil, I can’t believe you haven’t figured this out. You’re supposed to be the smart one.”

Gil turned around and looked at her. “Figured what out?”

Zeetha took a deep breath. “Gil, let’s talk.  _ Alone. _ ”

“Okay, what is it?” Gil was somewhat annoyed. “Make it quick because-”

“When I was born, I wasn’t alone.”

This piqued Gil’s curiosity. “What do you mean?”

“I-I had a twin. My mother gave birth to two kids, me and my sibling. But twins in Skifander...are a bad omen. So, when I was one month old, my father, Chump, grabbed my sibling and took them to what I can only suppose to be Europa.”

“Get to the point, Zeetha.”

“I am! Listen, Gil, Chump came to Skifander, he showed up there two weeks after your father disappeared in Europa. And he left Skifander two weeks before your father came back.

“You know ancient Skifandrian techniques that are rarely taught to outsiders, your father knows Skifandrian, we share a  _ birthday,  _ for Gwangi’s sake. And you look...almost exactly like my mother described Chump to me, and you apparently also look exactly like the Baron did at our age.

“Your father said I might be here to kill you, which is what is often done with twins in Skifander.

“And also...my twin was born female. And had the same eyes as my mother.  _ Which you do _ .”

Gil sat down on the floor in shock. “You’re saying...that I am your twin? That my father is Chump? That’s what you’re saying?”

Zeetha nodded.

“How long have you known?”

“Since we talked in the Castle when Pinkie and the rest of the crew was asleep.”

Gil sprang up. “Blue fire, Zeetha! Why didn’t you tell me? You knew that you’re my sister-sweet lightning, I have a sister!-and you didn’t say anything?! Really?”

Zeetha nervously shuffled her feet and looked down. “Well, the timeline lined up, but there was always stuff going on, so the opportunity never came up…”

“SO?!! If you had just brought it up-”

“I was scared, okay?!”

Gil paused. “You were?”

“Of course I was! Gil, in case you hadn’t noticed, your father isn’t exactly rational, and if he found out I’m Skifandrian and I know who you are, who knows what he would have done? And what if I was wrong? Then how would you feel; I got your hopes up for nothing! And...well, how does one say, ‘hi, I’m probably the long lost twin sister you didn’t know you had.’ How do you say that, Gil?”

Gil paused, took a breath and thought for a moment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a jerk.”

Zeetha smiled. “Well, yeah, you’re my brother. You’re supposed to be kind of a jerk to me.”

“I am, aren’t I?” And Gil hugged her.

They hugged for about a minute, before pulling apart. “So...our mother...Queen Zantabraxus, right? What’s she like?”

“Kind and just, somewhat skeptical, very protective, and is always willing to put work aside for family. She is a bit of a slave driver, though, I still have a few scars from when she trained me...but she’s a great mother, and I...I’d probably be dead if she didn’t care so much.” Zeetha looked up. “What’s dear old Dad like? I only met him once, and he tried to kill me.”

“Protective. So overprotective. He doesn’t always show it, but he would level cities to keep me safe. And even though he wasn’t always around, he does care. Whenever a student on Castle Wulfenbach would do something stupid, he would first be angry for putting their safety at risk, and then just tell them to do better next time, maybe point out where they were wrong. He didn’t always show it, but he is a really good parent.”

They sat there for another minute, until Gil realized something. “Um, should I even go to Skifander, if they want to, you know, kill me?”

Zeetha laughed. “Don’t worry about that. See, if a Skifandrian changes their gender, there is a ceremonial funeral for their old life, their old name and gender and such, and then a rebirth ceremony, to celebrate a new life being born. The idea is that you are a new person, and so you would be legally dead. It would probably work for the High Priestess and my-our grandmother, and those are the only ones you really have to watch out for. Mother would never let you get hurt.”

“If that doesn’t work, we can always recount the whole Si Vales Valeo story.”

Zeetha grinned. “There is always that.”

* * *

Skifander.

Home.

They were there.

The first two minutes had been rather chaotic. According to Zeetha, they had crashed the ceremony of “calling the queen’s council” around the Skifandrian mirror, and had almost been killed for disrupting a sacred ceremony. But when Zeetha had managed to get up (they had all landed on top of her, of course), she got the crowd under control, and they were all very happy to see their princess again, so the whole death thing was put off.

Then the trip to the palace, which was...rather incredible. To think, in another lifetime Gil may have grown up here, away from all else, with Zeetha. It was a somewhat comforting thought.

Then there was the very long explanation of who everyone was, what the story was, why no one is getting killed today, and why they need help defeating Lucrezia.

Then, Zeetha told her mother that they needed to talk to Gil alone.

So, that’s why they were now in the throne room, no guards, no one else, just the three of them.

“Mother, Romanian would be a lot easier for Gil. I know you’re fluent.”

“Very well. Zeetha said that you are important, young man. But I’ll be the judge of that. Who are you?”

“I am Gilgamesh Wulfenbach,” Gil looked over to Zeetha, who gave him a thumbs up. “Son of Chump.”

Zanta’s arms dropped to her sides. “ _ No. _ ”

“Hold on, mother, this isn’t a child of another woman.” Zeetha placed a hand on her shoulder. “Gil is...the best translation we could come up with is transgender.”

“You...you’re really...my child?” Zanta gasped, like she couldn’t believe it. Well, of course she couldn’t. She hadn’t seen Zeetha in six years, and hadn’t seen Gil in over 25. She must feel like she’s seeing ghosts.

“Yes.” Gil was desperately trying not to cry. “I am...your...child…” His voice broke.

“My child.” Zanta took a step towards him. “My  _ son. _ ” She wrapped him in a hug, and began to cry. “ _ My son. _ ”

Gil began to cry as well, and Zeetha sniffled in the corner. “Oh, come here, Zeetha.” The queen of Skifander opened her arms, and for the first time in two and a half decades, held both her children in her arms.

After a few minutes, she pulled back. “I’m going to guess you never had the correct death and rebirth ceremony, did you?”

Gil grinned. “No, I did not.”

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful.

Not only did Gil finally get to meet his mother, but he got to see the city, to the other half of him.

And when he finished the ceremony and was officially named “Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, son of Zantabraxus and Chump, war prince of Skifander”, he had never felt more complete.

He saw Agatha and Tarvek cheering him on. He saw Zeetha smile, and hug him when it was over.

He couldn’t be happier.

He got to meet his family afterwards, and Zeetha definitely did not tell him that his family was even bigger than Tarvek’s. That was a pain, meeting everyone, remembering all the names, but at the same time, Gil couldn’t stop smiling.

* * *

When Gil saw his father finally free, free from Mechanicsburg, from the Wasp, the first thing he did was hug him. The second thing he did was call in Zeetha and his mother. And for the first time in Gil’s memory, he had both his parents holding him at once.

When Lucrezia was dead, truly gone, he felt so damn relieved. No more of her, no more plotting, no more loose ends to tie up.

When Martellus abdicated the Lightning Crown to Tarvek, saying that he would rather just work on animals, Gil was proud. Not just of Tarvek for taking the crown, but of Tweedle, who finally realized that he couldn’t lead to save his life.

And ten years after Skifander, the timeskip, and meeting his mother, and twelve and a half years after seeing the nervous, jumpy looking assistant in Doctor Beetle’s lab, Gil went to Castle Heterodyne to visit his family.

His parents, talking and laughing together with Punch, Judy, Bill and Barry Heterodyne about what Gil assumed were old adventures.

The jaegers invited him for drinks.

Zeetha, who greeted him by sneaking up and attacking him, as per their tradition.

Violetta and Bang laughing as Zeetha caught him off guard yet again.

Tarvek and Agatha ran up to greet him, and the three of them embraced.

And the small child, with badly cut hair that Gil knew must have been done by themselves, and a too big button-up shirt, who came up to Gil with nervousness in their voice. “I have something to tell you,” they said, “but I don’t know if you’ll understand.”

Gil grinned. “Wanna bet?”

**Author's Note:**

> That's it, folks! I have written this because...idk, I guess projecting, kinda. I hope you liked it.
> 
> As always, feedback and constructive criticism are good things.
> 
> thank you and goodnight!


End file.
